There are two reasons for this blog post:

  1. This is something that has been bothering me and I’ve very recently experienced it for the 1741654684th time. I need to know if others have gone through the same.
  2. I would like different perspectives on this matter. Please don’t be shy to share your point of view. Boys, I’m lookin’ at chu.

Ok, here we go..

I’m a friendly girl. And I make friends very easily. More specifically, I make friends pretty easily with boys. You see, I’m kind of a man. Haha… ok well, not literally. But if you know me in real life, you probably know what I mean. So, here’s what usually happens: I meet a boy and we get along. We get along really well. Then, I start to think of this person as my friend, or someone I can talk to or hang out with. Until…

I can always feel it… the moment they ask, “Oh, how long have you guys been together?” I know what’s coming. I say, “Oh, (x) years!”, usually very casually. In short, I have a boyfriend; but not just any boyfriend, I have a “forever and ever” boyfriend. For the most part, the reaction I get is, “Oh wow… Uh, that’s awesome.” However, I have gotten the occasional, “…Oh”. But however way they initially react, it is only a matter of time until the friendship is over. Boy either stops talking to me completely or acts like I’m a different person after that.

Look, I understand certain guys are out there with the sole purpose of “hunting” or finding a hookup/girlfriend. Whatever. But… but…. I just want to be friends! I’m an amazing friend, probably have bigger balls than you and I make an excellent wingwoman. Sigh.

I brought this up with one of my actual good friends (who is also a boy) tonight and he said something like, “Well, obviously, he likes you. And when single guys find a girl they like, but then find out she’s not single… they don’t want to waste their time.” And to that, I answered… “But… Why can’t we just be friends?” Am I stupid for thinking this? Naive? Delusional? More importantly, is he right? Is this why boys stay away from me after they realize that I’m not “Open for Business?” Or is there some other explanation? What do you think?

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  • THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE. My friends (who are also my boyfriend of almost 2 years friends) told some of our other friends (seriously, who said girls are gossipy??) that I was too comfortable with other guys and that made them uncomfortable because I have a boyfriend. Confusing? yeah. lets break that down. My friends are also my boyfriends friends, I knew them before I met my boyfriend… they are also guys.. so apparently they think that a girl that hangs around obviously wants to do them…. They think I get along with them too well so it’s uncomfortable.. Then they complain (to me. at a bar. when i’m drunk (after drinks and THEY TREATED)) Then I feel shitty.. because why? i’m honestly still not sure.

    • Oh no! That is really, really weird. It seems like they’re the type of boys that truly believe that guys and girls can’t just “be friends”. Unfortunately, I’ve met some guys like that, too. I think maybe it’s because those boys have never had a friendship with a girl that they didn’t look at sexually? I find that once someone else sees you that way, they have a hard time believing that you don’t find them sexually attractive, too.

      Bottom line, it’s obviously not your fault they’re uncomfortable with it. Personally, I would just stop hanging out with them haha or you can all have an orgy and get it over it… haha kidding. Damn, sorry I feel like this comment makes no sense.

  • Anonymous

    I can’t recall ever coming across the phenomenon with a woman who already has a boyfriend. It’s pretty standard when women are single.

    I tend to subscribe to the friend zone mentality of things. There’s a small window to establish you’d like a relationship with a new person (personal timer is 1 week). Otherwise you’re friend zoned and that’s that. There’s obviously exceptions to the rule but for the mostpart people just want to be friends anyway. We all have relatively stringent criteria for what we’re attracted to but far more lax rules for making new friends. It’s the simple reason why its easy to make friends but nigh impossible to find a regular significant other.

    Not to sound cliche but you’re likely better off knowing some of those guys dropped off. Their intentions were never friendship to begin with so you haven’t missed out on anything aside from potential drama down the line.

    • I think you’re one of the very few men who initially put women into the “friend zone” first. I find that most guys I meet automatically have their sights set on the “hookup/girlfriend” zone and they just cannot move me towards the friend zone if they’ve already been attracted to me in the non-friend zone way. (Does this make sense?)

      However, I do agree that I am better off without those guys. It just kind of sucks, because some of the guys I meet are people I can honestly connect with and have great conversations with. Maybe I am being selfish for expecting them to stick around even though we’ll only be friends? Hmm.

  • Yup, yup – this is WHAT HAPPENS! But then there are those men who become the best of friends. You grow to love them and appreciate that they are mature enough to accept a platonic relationship with a woman (read: they will invest time in a woman knowing they will not be getting play out of it!). Inevitably, these men will find a crazy girlfriend who will run you out of their lives because they are threatened by you and you are back to square one.. :(

    • Anonymous

      LOL the crazy girlfriend. Sadly that’s so standard. I’ve lost a couple of great girl (SPACE) friends because of the girl I was dating running the paranoid friend block.

    • Hahaha are you my twin??? Because THAT is actually like, the story of my life. Maybe I will do a blog post on that in the future.

  • I work in IT, and I have many female friends in the industry who have HORROR stories of how guys pushed limits not because of who the girls were, but because of interests and industry…and their level of attractiveness.

    To many guys, the geek (or automechanic, or jock, or whatever) girl tomboy type that doesn’t *look* like a tomboy is the holy grail of female-ship. Why is Morgan Webb so popular? Because she’s geeky, hosts a gaming show, and yet is hot enough to do spreads in FHM. Take away the geeky and gaming aspects, and her value would drop (sorry, don’t mean to sound so objectifying, but it is what it is).

    Unfortunately, guys don’t initially think “Hey, this is someone that shares my interests…maybe we can be friends.”. That’s what they think when they meet another GUY who fits that criteria. When they meet a girl like that? “Hey, this is someone that shares my interests…I LOVE HER I MUST SPEND ETERNITY WITH HER SHE IS MY MUSE!!!”.

    Sad, but true. At least in IT, but I’d bet its elsewhere also.

    • “Unfortunately, guys don’t initially think “Hey, this is someone that shares my interests…maybe we can be friends.”. That’s what they think when they meet another GUY who fits that criteria. When they meet a girl like that? “Hey, this is someone that shares my interests…I LOVE HER I MUST SPEND ETERNITY WITH HER SHE IS MY MUSE!!!”.”

      This explains a lot, actually. And I whore-heartedly agree. It’s a sad reality, but I guess it’s also a natural reaction. Thank you for adding a bit of humour into your point of view! Haha.