Note: Ughhhh, this was a hard one for me to post. You will understand the more you read on. If even just 1 person feels inspired/they’re not alone after reading this, it would have been worth it. Vulnerability, ftw!! (Haha I actually say things like that irl.)

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a Fitness post here. Truthfully, it’s because I haven’t been all that happy about my recent progress. I’m just going to say it (err, type it): I have gained weight, 20 lbs. to be exact. This is not a pity-post. It is the fitness post to help me be more accountable for my fitness goals. It is the post where I open up a little more because I know that you have probably gone through this too. Maybe you’re even going through it right now. As a “lifestyle” blogger, I feel like I need to blog about the realities of my life and not just the positive/motivating stuff all the time. As much as I enjoy sharing my favourite beauty products or recipes, I enjoy sharing life lessons, stories and struggles a bajillion times more. And more than anything, I aim for honestly out here, even though it’s sometimes a little embarrassing. (I wasn’t kidding when I said that my blog absolutely reflects how I am irl.)

Side note: If you’d like to comment but aren’t comfortable doing so publicly, you can always email me at holler(at) and I’m happy to chat.


LOL I can’t say I haven’t thought of these before

Honesty Hour

The latter half of 2013 was terrible for me in terms of my fitness. Shit was going on in my personal life that really derailed my focus. I let it derail my focus and when I realized this, I became even more sad about it. So sad that instead of picking myself back up, I did the complete opposite. I stopped going to the gym regularly. I started eating out on a regular basis and stopped cooking my own clean meals. I binged – I would eat boxes of chocolate in one night and eat so much that I would feel like throwing up (seriously). I became embarrassingly lazy, choosing to spend my free days at home and distracting myself instead of being accountable and doing the one thing I was so proud to finally be doing when I decided I wanted to live a healthier lifestyle. I stopped doing. I went right back to day dreaming, right back to where I started when I was overweight and felt that I didn’t have control of my life. I found myself saying, “I’ll start tomorrow/Monday/next week/ in 2014/ in the summer, etc.” – something I told myself I would never say again. I had disappointed myself in so many ways and I didn’t know what to do. How do you save yourself from yourself?!

Something Good

The holiday break really helped me. I had a chance to be with myself again. To think, write and talk to myself. My daily routine in 2013 was exhausting, to say the least. I was always “ON” and no longer had time to spend with myself. I didn’t realize how drastically this toxic routine was affecting my life. Little by little, I lost touch with myself.

Before the new year arrived, I had a hard look at my life and came to one conclusion: I need it back. I needed my life back. I needed to put myself first again, not my problems. I needed to worry less. I needed to stop planning to do things and just do them.

 This is how I put together my 2014 list. 

What I’m Doing Now:

**** I re-read my older blog posts and realized that all I needed to do was to take my own advice. Focus on myself. Put my priorities first. START DOING. ***

  • I have put restraints back on myself and have re-implemented my own “Rewards” program, which I talk about in more detail here.
  • I am back to cooking my own meals and eating healthy (for the most part). This has always been a challenge for me, but I am doing much better. Like, only one box of chocolates a night instead of 4 (hahaha jk jk). I post my healthy meal ideas on my Instagram if you’d like to take a peek!
  • I am following a 12-week fitness program that’s realistic, but challenging. In 2013, I ended up just “going with the flow” and did not have a solid program to follow. (I get my fitness programs from
  • I stopped comparing myself to others. I realize I only do this when I feel bad about myself – it’s like I want myself to feel like shit. (What the fuck, right? Why do we do this to ourselves?)
  • I am back to taking progress photos every 2 weeks. The first few are always the hardest to look at, but I know that they will not only start to look better, but I will start to look happier in them, too. I know this because I experienced the same thing back in 2010 when I first started to live healthier.
  • I started to talk about this more openly. When the people around you realize what you’re going through, they will help you because they only want what’s best for you. (If they don’t, you need to take the Scissors of Life and snip away. Get it? Cut… them…. off… hehe.)
  • I started tracking my daily fitness activities and my water/food intake, which is something I’ve never done before.
  • I find myself reading my old motivation posts and old Instagram posts, too – another thing I love about blogging. I’ve got a record of my own mind set!

If you’re on the same boat,

Know that you’re not alone. Know that slow progress is progress, so don’t be so hard on yourself. And my last and probably most important advice is that the only person you should try to please is yourself. Put yourself first and the rest will follow.

Thanks for reading this whole post if you did! Feel free to comment below if you’ve experienced this before and what you did to get yourself out of it. 

Short URL for sharing:

Related Posts

  • Thanks for sharing, Maria! This is such a tough thing, and something that you know I struggle with also. I started off really strong last year and even shared my weight loss ticker on my blog…only to take it down a few months later when I stopped tracking/caring. Here’s to being accountable in 2014!

  • Christine Pantazis

    It’s sooo hard. I’ve been struggling with my weight for years now. Ever since the accident.
    (I’ve put on 50lbs in the past 3 years) 50!
    I’m not happy, I’m trying to make the changes. It’s taking more time than I thought. It’s not easy. It’s just not.

    I guess, in life, there will be challenges and setbacks. It’s life! The important thing is to consider how we handle the challenges and set backs. So you fell off the wagon a little bit. We all do – the positive thing here is that you recognized it, and you are making changes.

    You have our support. All of us, because we know what it’s like.

    Don’t feel alone. Good luck on your journey and take it step by step.


  • You’re a strong and driven woman. It’s a setback. You’ve got the resolve to push through.

    Now that you’ve put it on paper, drip your workout sweat on it.

    That was gross… and awesome. INSPIRATION!

  • *raises hand* same boat here! I’m in the midst of trying to lose 10 “love” lbs that I’ve gained in 2013 from eating out too much, being off my exercise routine and a BF who likes to cook. It creeped up on me, a couple of pounds after a weekend trip that I attributed to bloat (that never went away), then another few from Birthday indulging and soon getting dressed had turned into a chore.

    I’ve started tracking my food again, the only way I find I can lose weight, and exercising regularly too. *fingers crossed*

    It sounds like you have a great plan for 2014! Looking forward to future posts. :)

  • Thank you for posting this, Maria! You’re so incredibly brave for doing this. I’m also struggling with my weight. I have 25-30 lbs to lose. It’s not even for vanity, but sometimes after a meal it gets hard to breathe because my clothes are so tight! :(

    I’m alongside you with the fitness journey. I took my first “before” photo yesterday. I’m finding the time to prep meals and snacks. I’ll be signing up for the gym soon, and I’m so excited to get my sweat on again. Let’s do this!

  • Paige Mangialardi

    Maria this is so fantastic, I got chills! I know you can do it. You were always a strong girl to me! Always the cutest gym selfies haha! I used to do the comparing thing ALL THE TIME – I think it’s a girl thing. (Especially when I was in the throngs of competition season.) The best thing to do is compare yourself to your OLD self and see how far you’ve come! Celebrate your victories and f*ck the negativity. Fit sistas for life! If you ever need to chat or whatevs, message me! :)

  • Richel Grace

    Thanks for this post, Maria! Rarely do we see people blog something so real and honest. A truly inspiring post. Hope you post more about your journey to fitness! I’m hoping I can start on my journey too!

  • preencess

    Maria… if you can do it before, you can do it again! I believe in you :) You did such a great job! It’s okay, it happens. Life can just get crazy sometimes, but as long as you hit that ‘reality check’ stage, you can steer yourself back on the right track again!

    What are you using to track your activities and such? I’ve used MyFitnessPal before and found it helpful because it was on my phone and I could just log whatever (food, activities/exercises, your macros etc.) at any time. I haven’t used it for a while now, but it looks like they updated the interface… for iOS anyhow.

    It can be really tough to stay dedicated and stay focused, so I definitely give you props for this! Good luck! I know you’ll get back on track. Get it, girrrl.


  • Ashley McKernan

    Aw, thanks for sharing Maria! You are beautiful and weight is just a number. BUT as I say that, I am too, in the exact same boat. The past year has been kind of a muddling between pretending nothing was wrong and ignoring the problem. I went ‘gluten free’ for a while, which chocked on about 10 pounds really friggin fast. I tried to ignore that my clothes didn’t fit and that I still felt terrible overall (mentally / physically). Literally, New Years Day, I saw a photograph of myself from a party the night before and it was like a smack in the face – I couldn’t lie that the pounds weren’t there anymore and I wasn’t unhappy.

    So I’m one week into a cleaner eating diet, in which I’m not neglecting myself fully, but I am doing portion control (you say you like chocolate? I like soda. Badly), cutting back on terrible foods, and adding a bunch of good ones.

    So in summary – you’re not alone. The numbers on the scale don’t dictate our happiness, but our overall well being does. Here’s to being accountable in 2014 and to just feeling better.

    – A

  • You’re not alone as you can see with all the comments here! Acknowledging it in such a public space like this is the first step in going back in the right direction. I just got a heart rate monitor because I’ve let my healthy routine fall by the wayside over the holidays but now I’m driven to get back on track and monitor my progress more closely. Most of the time it doesn’t appear this way, but it’s nice to know other bloggers that go through the same issues & are trying to work through them :)

  • Thank you for sharing this! I had a similar experience during the Fall. I’ve been fighting my weight since I was a kid. I finally got it under control by cutting out sugars and starches. I was feeling good and looking great over the Summer. Then I went on vacation and let things slide. I was too scared to weigh myself when I got home and it spiralled out of control from there. A little cheating here and there turned into me not tracking my food, fitness or weight for months.

    I still haven’t jumped back on the scale but I have started tracking my food again. My clothes are starting to fit the way they used to and my energy levels are coming back.

    Looks like there are a lot of people in the same boat. Good to see we’re all working together to stay on track!

  • I appreciate this post so much and can relate in so many ways.

    Shit became clear the past few weeks as I did the 5 Day Reboot Cleanse, and I’ve continued to juice after the 5 days were up. NOT SUGGESTING YOU DO THIS, I’m just saying what made me realize I was so unhealthy.

    I didn’t sleep in 2013, it all caught up to me during the week of Christmas and NY. Even though I had parties and events to go to, I was in bed, sleeping, exhausted, felt awful, etc.

    When I started cleansing, I was expecting negative reactions because most people felt hungry, got headaches, were moody, but I actually felt amazing. I had energy, I could think, and most of all, I let my brain shut off and sleep by 9 pm. My lists are back, my circle knows my goals. We can do it, Maria!!!!! <3

  • J (aoitenshi)

    I love that you’re so honest in this blog! I struggle with weight issues too so I can totally relate. Getting fit really is such a commitment especially when you have slow metabolism. The trick is to just keep trying. I’m with you on this one. Let’s get fit this year! :)

  • I know how you feel/felt when writing this and you’re not alone in this struggle. Funny how when the end of the year closes in it seems that many of us seem to stumble more often then not. I personally found it more difficult the last two months of the year to hit the gym. Maybe its the shorter days or the combination of other factors.

    You’re strong and very motivational to many of us so don’t be surprised when your followers begin to try and motivate you the same way you’ve motivated us. Keep your head high and tackle it one day at a time. You’ll get back into the swing of things in no time.

    Looking forward (as always) to seeing your progress.